If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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