YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
