This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
