I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize