so that wasnt chicken after all
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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