oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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