If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
