So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
