I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
