sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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