your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
