he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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