too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
