The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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