i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
