Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
