I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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