At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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