After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
