I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
