hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
