I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
