make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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