if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i permit you to call me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
