why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
