apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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