I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I did not marry a roomba.
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