i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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