So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Panties = found
Randomize
