oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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