Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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