I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
