Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I only lived at night.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
