Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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