Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sex in a hospital.. check
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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