i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
