$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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