U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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