Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
