you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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