I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
