I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
