I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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