i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
