Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
