Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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