I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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