Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
