Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
