Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
