don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
