so explain again why im purple
no
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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