i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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