He asked to "fluff my boner.."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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