My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize