Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize
