he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
