So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
