birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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