i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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