So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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