if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
