but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
