she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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