Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
