I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
