life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
