Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
