At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
