She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Terrible idea I love it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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