just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
