hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
